Veteran Millennium Reporter Howell Norfolk's e-home on the web is right here, my friend.. And now, let's fade up the theme music...
TAMPA
RED: "You Can't Get That Stuff No More"
This is Howell Norfolk reporting from the Millennium capital of America, Los Angeles, California!
As you know Smitty, I've been phoning in my reports since the last days (February 4, 1995) of O.J.' s very first trial here in Los Angeles (the Millennium capital of the entire world). Those reports marked the beginning of strange days and the portent of even stranger things to come as weapproach the biggest black hole of human experience we've ever faced..yes the Millennium.
Let's not forget that we have only one old movie and a bad rock song to mark our way into the 000's. That's right, Stanley Kubrick's 2001 and whatstheirname's In the Year 2525. Neither experience giving us the slightest guidance for the future (what was that big baby in a bubble at the end of that movie.??? Nobody really knows or cares!!!). So we are on our own as we face the countdown to the greatest unknown since O.J. went after those killers!! But I digress.
Those O.J. reports really put me in the mood - no even more than that - they prepared me to cover things as a reporter than no one else will touch - let alone listen to! While watching Johnny Cochran day after day in that hot sweaty courtroom under those network feeds, I realized that the truth is really out there -way out there - so far out there that it may never come back!
But don't get me wrong listener, I'll never take sides, never show a bias (unless we have to cut along it) and I'll never get the details wrong because I have a staff that keeps me straight. You've heard me mention my driver Lex who keeps the Buick tuned and the pizza hot. And of course my compatriot and fellow reporter, Dolores (means pain in Spanish). Together we form a trio of intrepid travelers that comb this city of Angles - I mean Angels - and environs for the stories that will give us an insight into the THE BIG GIG, the Millennium.
We've been all over this great land and have settled here, in Los Angeles for just one reason, the weather. No, of course, we are here because this is the edge, the cliff, the tunnel to the unknown. If it hasn't happened here it hasn't happened, but it may sound like it's happened - and that's what counts - the sound of the future because that's what radio is all about! So let me recount where we've been since O.J. (and let me remind you that that story will be one of the threads of continuity, one of the constants in a sea of uncertainty because the O.J. story is never ending - refuses to die - because it is the gateway narrative, the folktale of the path, the mystery of mysteries that will come back to haunt my reports. - remember you heard it here first: OJ's pants on fire, the blood drop candy on Halloween, the toupe in the driveway, and yes - even Marsha Clark's surgery --all evidence, and I don't use that word lightly and I never use this many words in parathesis without good reason!).
Dolores (means pain in Spanish), Lex, and I have really connected with our little town by the Pacific rim. But you can only report so much on the radio, after all it is Smitty's show and I can't phone in for longer than I've got quarters. But here on the Web I'm going to let you read all the mail I get and peek into my private journal where I've got some of my best insights and high powered details on the stories that have no past because they are the stories of the future! Who can forget:
Personal Millennium Ads (February 2, 1999)
Millennium U. (October 6, 1998)
Millennium Impersonators (September 9, 1998)
Millennium Campfires (August 12, 1998)
Millennium Tattoos (August 5,1998)
Cosmetic Pet Surgery (October 16, 1996)
The Forgetters (October 9, 1996)
They Never Sleep (August 7, 1996)
IQ Points for Sale (July 24, 1996)
The Battery Eaters (June 26, 1996)
The Pie People (April 20, 1996)
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